For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
