You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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