I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
