i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
