Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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