if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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