I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I will be naked everywhere
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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