wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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