I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You work out of a Hotel?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
