i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
