drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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