I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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