He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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