You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
