I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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