Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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