Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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