I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
