So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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