I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
