My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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