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I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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