You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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