Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
