apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
