We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
