it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
this is an emotional support booty call
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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