Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
