I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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