I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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