I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
