I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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