But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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