Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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