I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
