Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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