I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
