I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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