Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
