I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I checked into jail on foursquare
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
