Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
