Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
