Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This baby is an asshole
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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