He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
