Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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