i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
They left me at home... I'm a liability
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
