I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
