OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
