My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
