I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
