Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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