Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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