I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
