I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
